INSIDE MY HEAD
Some stories are not meant to be told. Don’t worry, this ain’t one of them :). So, here it is………….the description of a journey, my journey…..
“I know my place. It’s right here in the middle of this old diary. To people who look at me for the first time, I might appear just as a page in this everlasting diary used by my creator and sometimes I wonder if it is true. I don’t know who my creator is. But it doesn’t matter now, since what was destined to be written, has been written over me. But I am far more than you expect or see, you fail to see the emotions written over me and the long love filled life that I have lived.
Whoever wrote me wasn’t very gentle. He put me through things which sometimes I thought I wouldn’t be able to take. But at times he has been most generous. So I am not sure what kind of person he really is.
Now, when I look at myself I see a withered page, torn at places and ink spilled over some other parts. I wasn’t always like this. Once I was new, clean and taut, eager to be written over, eager to please. This feeling has passed as has passed the feeling that I am special, that I am different from others. Now I know that I am just another leaf in the diary, meant to be written over.
Even after all these years when I look at the pages yet to be written, I am not sure how I should feel. I don’t want to tell them even before they had started that one day they would be like me, withered and torn. In a way I am happy for them, for they would encounter joy and love too. Should I tell them that t hey should not fear becoming old like me, rather the risk of leading an inadequate life all along? Should I tell them that when they are old like me, they would look upon their memories and cherish everything, even though some brought them pain?
Joy and love are the two things which have made the journey worthwhile. Honestly, I don’t regret my journey for I have encountered love and kindness which many have just dreamed of
“I should have realized long ago that life’s about embracing everything that comes our way, even the prospect of death. I now tell myself that its okay, it’s better late than never. At least I know what peace is, although it’s just for a while that I have experienced it”
I look up now and I see some more pages, pages far older than me. They have seen things that I probably never would. They are smiling; their faces are kind and inviting. They are asking me to join them and be one of the ancestors. I ask myself if they were waiting to accept me till I understood and accepted this simple yet the most basic truth. I gaze upon their kind faces for an answer; and for once I don’t need to be told. I understand, I know.”