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“Yes, I would love to” the words stilled ringed in her ears. She wondered if it would have been anything different had she said no; but she was glad she said yes. It was because of the yes that it happened; he happened……..

It was a hot day, sweat was dripping off her brows as the service was done. Dana was ofcourse too preoccupied to think of the heat. Everything that had happened seemed unreal, one moment he was going out to his office and the next moment a call comes that says he had met with an accident. This was happening too fast.

A tear rolled down her cheeks as a fresh memory of him hit her. She stifled a sob and rubbed off her eyes with the back of her hand. She had kept the funeral as small as possible, now as she looked around she wanted to be alone more than anything else. It’s not that she didn’t love the people who came to the funeral, she just didn’t have the energy to keep the strong face anymore.

People filed out slowly of the funeral one by one muttering consolations. She wanted to scream at them that she wanted none of that, that nothing could bring him back. But she said nothing, she stood there, nodding her head when she thought an answer was necessary. As she looked at the ceremony being performed she felt a part of her, deep inside going numb. The crowd was thinning out and after an hour or so, she found that she was standing alone besides his grave. She sat down on the stone of his grave.

She wished she would have gone out with him that day, she somehow felt that if she would have been there with him he would be alive today, and the guilt wouldn’t just go away. She sat there for a long time, the sun was about to go down now. She got up and walked out of it, and in no minute she found herself in the middle of crowd.New Yorkwas always busy. She hailed a cab.

The place was crowded and the people looked busy just as ever, she wished she could be like them, go on living as if nothing had ever happened, but she knew she would never be able to do that. She reached her apartment half an hour later. She paid off the driver and walked in.

The moment she walked in, she did not feel at place. She expected him to come out and take her in his arms. But she knew too well, it wasn’t possible.

She had not eaten anything for the past two days and so she entered the kitchen, not that she was hungry but she needed it, just to be alive. She put on a pot of coffee on the burner and then put a sandwich inside the oven; she knew she wouldn’t be able to eat anything else. It would be  miracle even if she could scrap these things off.

She felt too tired to do anything. She chose an old home video and turned on the television. The camera seemed to loose focus and then after some moments it was right. She remembered it pretty well; it was a week after they had moved into this house. She was behind the camera, and he was in the planting a sapling in the garden. She laughed as she saw him digging awkwardly with the spade, and in no time the laughed turned to sobs. She shook as she sobbed. All the memories that she had been trying to avoid all along came whirling back to her. It seemed a lifetime after which she stopped crying. The movie had stopped a long time ago.

The dinner lay untouched in the kitchen. She wanted nothing. She went to their bedroom and his emptiness hit her like an unseen force. She thought if she could take it long enough, every minute seemed a lifetime. She looked at the framed photograph that lay at her bedside and then it suddenly hit her. The answer was right there in her head all along and when she found it, there was peace in her mind. Peace like she had never felt after his death.

She opened the tap of the bathtub and went to the kitchen to retrieve a sharp knife. She came back a few minutes later, knife in her hand. There was no fear in her heart now, just impatience to meet him again. She laid her eyes on the water, she smiled. She wasn’t sad, she didn’t need to be. She slipped her robes off her and checked the dagger. She stepped inside the water and lay down there. The water was up to her chest. She went down a little more so that her nose and mouth was under water, and before she could change her mind she cut her wrist. She flinched at first but then she felt nothing. She stared at the ceiling upwards, she could have sworn that she saw him there smiling at her. It was the last thing she ever saw, as her vision blurred and she let out her last breath.